Truth and Reconciliation

Across misty fields, the bagpipes echo.

Brave managers of the Ellwood Fantasy Football League, we’ve donned our war paint and gathered our clans, standing ready on the digital battlefield where honor is won and legends are birthed. As the parchment of our draft boards unfurls, each pick resounds like the thunderous clap of shields.

Freedom from last season’s defeats is what we seek; freedom to claim the crown that could be ours! Let no past failures deter us. This draft is our battlefield, and we are the warriors destined to carve our fate with every selection.

They may take our points, but they will never take our fantasy glory!

Charge forth with valor, fight like warriored poets, scream for victory with the heart of a lion. This season, every matchup, every point, every waiver claim is a step towards immortality.

Unite! For it is not just our lineups at stake, but our legacy.

Every man dies; not every man really drafts.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and this is its podcast.

(Cue the Wellerman Sea Chanty tune)

There once were a band of managers keen,
With fantasy drafts, keepers, and trades.
They studied stats and scoured the news,
To make their lineup, no time to lose.

Soon may the weekend come,
bring us points and wins and fun,
Sunday, when the matchup is won,
We’ll celebrate and go.

Well, Charles had a strategy so bold,
Plays the waiver wire, fearless and cold,
They look at the matchups and grin with a nod,
Their lineup’s set, ready to shock and awe.

Soon may the weekend come,
Victories sweet and losses numb,
One day, when the season is done,
We’ll draft anew and go.

Now Chris he plaid with trades so sly,
Swapping players under the other’s eye,
With sleepers and steals he craft his team,
Hoping to realize their championship dream.

Soon may the weekend come,
bring us points and wins and fun,
Sunday, when the matchup is won,
We’ll celebrate and go.

There’s Jared with hope, a beacon so bright,
His team’s on the field, but not quite in the fight,
Each week’s a promise, “This time, we’ll soar!”
Yet Monday night tells the tale of the score.

Behold there’s Seth, atop the league he reigns,
With a record so fierce, in victory he’s chained,
We all chase his shadow, his cool and his might,
His team’s a Goliath, we’re mere Davids in fight.

Now may the fantasy crown lay in sight,
With dreams of glory and bragging rights,
One day, when the season concludes its roam,
We’ll toast the victor and sail for home.

Hoo-ah!

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and this is its podcast.

Just in time for the first cold front of fall, league managers scramble to patch their rosters as Week 5 ushers in the first bye-week blast of the season.

Team Rankings continue to squish as this week’s lineup offers a monster head-to-head matchup amidst the mostly pithy slap-fights. And yet, as the wise Bobby Hill once said via his All-American athlete ventriloquist dummy, Chip, “a W’s a W anyway you get it.”

And as Bobby’s dad Hank poetically added, “my son plays with dolls. There, I said it.”

Chip is right, and every W matters. But with a bone-dry waiver wire and a cooling trade-block, who will get lucky enough to secure the next win? The dice have been rolled.

Good thing we have fall baseball, with its two fantastic teams—and subsequently, some dirty laudry—to distract us.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and this is its podcast.

Alright alright alright!

It’s the final countdown as we mighty men emerge from hibernation and step out into the sunny rays of fantasy football. That’s right, the 2023 Draft is upon us.

Like the morning dawn, the season ahead offers bright promise and hopeful future. Anything is possible, and much is expected. The 2022 season offers a plethora of narratives waiting to be redeemed, and never before has our league champion(s) and incumbency carried such asterisk. The stage is truly set for opportunity.

But to thrive, one must survive. So shake off the cobwebs, lick the wounds, and polish your past accolade trophies to a shine. Clinging desperately to the shadow of your former glory may be all that you have left.

And of course, “do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.”

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and this is its podcast.

And then there were six.

Six fierce competitors sit in the coveted seats of the 2022 Playoff Bracket, each with formidable chances of a successful run. And while their victories may be short-lived, their 2023 “incumbent” status and badge of honor is secure — and that can’t be taken away. So here’s to you, gentlemen. Enjoy the spoils, for this Sunday, we dine in hell.

If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you’re already dead.

And to our fallen comrades, those Unfortunate Six who sit below the line of the success and dignity: we salute you, for soon, five of us will join you. Your failures remind us all why we play, why we fight, why we sacrifice — to not be like you. Thank you.

And to all the mighty managers of the Pellwood Fantasy Football League, may the fantasy gods have mercy on our souls. Currahee.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.