It’s Week 4 of the Pellwood Fantasy Football season, and Occam’s Razor slashes fiercely at the hopes and dreams of many a manager. The few who have avoided its cuts stand unscathed and triumphant while others seek only to stem the bleeding.

However, one manager’s blood loss is different than the rest. Widely accepted as the league’s villain, this Pellwood Staple’s 0-3 start — and even more challenging schedule ahead — provides the League with a certain hope: schadenfreude.

A sense of pending justice and league-wide catharsis is rising in the air.

The Man Who’s Good At Everything is…suffering.

—

…or is he?

Turns out, he’s good at losing too.

Crap.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and this is its podcast.

Week 1 is over and done, and what’s not to love?

Everything. All of it. Let it burn.

This week we’re joined by the first brave soul to challenge the alleged Podcast Curse: Chris “Chewie” “It’s All Uphill From Here” Clark, who enters week 2 looking to climb out of a pile of Golden Poo.

Week 2 notables include the T&R Bowl, the Chris Bowl, and several 1-0/0-1 matchups looking to bring balance to ye ole Squish Factor (TM).

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.

In less than 48 hours, fantasy football managers from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest fantasy battle in this history of mankind.

Mankind — that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July 9th of September, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution — but from annihilation.

We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist.

And should we win the day, the 4th of July 9th of September will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Fantasy Football Kickoff!”

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.

Alright alright alright!

Smell that? Smells like mock drafts, spreadsheets, podcasts, and pagan rituals offering blood to the fantasy gods.

It’s football time, and the Pellwood League is kicking off yet another thrilling season to be filled undoubtedly with highs and lows, comradery and backstabbing, sickness and health, and the occasional blown ACL.

It’s the drama we live for, the friendships we’d die for, and all the marbles up for grabs as we once again gather ’round the infamous draft lobby — that dusty, stained Colosseum in which we modern-day gladiators prepare to spill our blood, sweat, and the occasional tear — each of us contesting with the ultimate and singular purpose at stake:

Glory.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.

While the war wages for Top Dog, another race has emerged in the Pellwood League: Who will be the greatest underdog?

Charles sits alone at 5-0 in a streak fueled recently by Antonio Brown and personal anti-curse measures, including ducking the media and maintaining what we only assume is JoBu levels of ritual.

Chris sits alone at 0-5 after Pete nets his first W. Both are looking to capture Mo’ and hang on for dear life.

For the rest of us, a sense of breathing room may lure us into a false security, as the past two weeks have proved: whether incumbent or challenger, there is no guarantee of the sweet, sweet matchup victory.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.

It’s week 4 as the League’s closely-matched peloton of competitors begins to diverge into three distinct groupings. While no manager is down for the count, Week 4 is the kind of week that gives porch-rocking old men a prophetic pain in their bones that only they can interpret: “storm’s comin’.”

A distant thunder rolls in the air. The faint smell of impending deluge rises. What can save us from the inevitable flood destined to sweep away managers whose teams are built upon the sand?

Squish Factor, is what.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.

It’s the eve of Week 3 as a small percentile of the league sits at the envied 2-0. But it’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll, and the injury lottery seems as random as it is just. Whether or not you believe in — or pray to — the fantasy gods is irrelevant; their influence remains omnipotent.

Meanwhile, healthy Wide Receivers are as scarce as sympathy in the Pellwood League. It’s only Week 3, and the bitter clawing has begun as managers hope to scratch and gouge their way to the almighty W.

Whether “challenger” or “incumbent”, it matters little. There is only victory, and there is only defeat.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.

Week 1 is in the books, and if our chatter-factor is any metric at all (and it should be), it was an interesting season kickoff to say the least.

While some in our league were regaled by the fruit of their drafting labor, plenty still were left wanting. And even fewer still, though you know who you are, count their W’s with homage to the fantasy gods (and their personal pandering efforts).

One thing is certain — the Power Rankings don’t lie. Win, or lose; this is the game. And we, its pawns.

It’s the greatest fantasy football league in the world, and THIS is its podcast.